What's Happened to Bert

Introduction.

I don't know how many times I've heard it said that nothing and no one's indispensible. This is very true indeed, and sometimes it makes it easy for you to make decisions about things which you don't think are particularly important and you think oh, no one will mind, there's much better stuff out there, it'll soon be all forgotten. And then months, even years go by and you're still being asked when you're going to bring the thing people are missing back. This has, of course, happened to me, which is why I'm writing this.

Anyone who knows me will also know the character of Bert the leprechaun, created originally by Brian as a radio character, fleshed out by me at his request for the purposes of interaction on social networking and, for the past five years, a tremendous force for good in my life. You may also have come across his Twitter or Facebook, his website, journal or, most of all, his audio dramas. Brian and I have been working on these last since 2011 and we have been amazed at how much people seem to like them. They have grown from snippets of scenes put up on Audioboom, lasting no more than a couple of minutes, to huge, time-consuming endeavours requiring much hard work and lasting up to an hour in length. However, though they are as good as we can get them, the BBC they aren't, we've never charged for them so we never thought anyone would care when we weren't able to produce them anymore. It seems we were wrong. We have both been receiving an increasing number of tweets asking where the Bert's Place podcast is and if it's ever coming back. So, after a lot of thought, a lot of writing and a serious commitment of time on our part over the next few months, I am finally able to give you some news.

How He Started, Why He Stopped.

First though, let me tantalise you a little bit longer by explaining, for anyone who's just reading this at random or who may not know the story, a little bit about where Bert came from.

He was created, as I said, by Brian away back in 2009. He was what I'd call a radio cartoon character, that's how I first became aware of him. He'd sing commercials and jingles, do comic sketches, get into scrapes and annoy the heck out of Brian. I thought he was cute. I also thought imitation was the sincerest form of flattery and invented a cartoon of my own, an obnoxious, cheeky and outrageously funny elf named Hinky. This was in 2010, Brian and I were working on the same radio station and of course, it only seemed natural for Bert and Hinky to hang out together and become friends. They got on well and so did their long-suffering employers!

It was actually my idea to get Hinky a Twitter account so that people could actually talk to him. Of course it wasn't long before Bert had one too, though I had nothing at all to do with it at the start. It was the person who was writing it then who made Bert a Leprechaun. Where that came from I'll never know! I have to say, it's given me a few problems and I've had to do some fancy footwork, but you have to be consistent so a London leprechaun he is.

When Brian and I started our own radio station I got to work much more with Bert and Brian asked me to take over the management of his character. Oh, we discussed everything about him at length because he was becoming popular, but I was now doing all the writing, and the cartoon was becoming three-dimensional. We soon began posting not just the odd little snippet or promotional jingle, but a proper drama, even if it was only a few minutes long, with a storyline. The dramas were also episodic so that, if you were in the know about Bert, you wanted to know what was going to happen to him next, rather like a miniature soap opera. That was the beginning of the Bert's Place dramas as we now know them. Later on, promotional material was taken out of them and the story alone remained. We learned better techniques for editing, mixing and producing the pieces, we cast more actors, even using proffessional voice talent on occasions, and always we've tried to make the dramas sound as good as we can with magical ambiences and good sound effects.

So why did it stop? Basically life happened, as it does sometimes. The dramas had been growing more complex and taking longer and longer to do. Brian was extremely busy at work and it was very difficult for him to find the large amount of time, with everything else he was doing, to put the drama together. We put out the last one in November 2014 and we were all set to continue the story a couple of months later. Then we were quite suddenly faced with the need to start our own business.

Some of you may have been in this position. It's adrenaline pumping, scary, can be elating, but it leaves really no time for anything else while you get it off the ground. I'd say for most of 2015 when we weren't working we were asleep.

Well now life is still hectic but we're in a place where we can take some time and put it aside for things we want to do. I'd have thought Bert's Place would have been well and truly forgotten by this time, but it seems not. People keep asking me where it is and when it's coming back. So, and you've been very patient, here's what we're doing.

Tear it All Down!

First, when we're ready to go live with the new content, everything now on the website will come down. The whole of the story so far is being reorganized, so you'll get nice, proper podcasts of even lengths with added new material as well as all your favourite scenes from episodes of years gone by. The whole of Bert's story will be told from the very start, even before the original audio dramas began! In each episode you'll go into his closet bedroom and he'll spend time with you, telling you about his life in naration and, of course, dramatic scenes. And don't think it's just all going to be stuff you've heard before. New scenes to fill in gaps have been written, so watch out for surprises along the way.

Build it All Up.

Once we have Bert's story so far told and reorganized the way we want it the complete Bert's Place archive will go live. You will be able to download it either by episode, or as a complete zipped folder. When this is all done, the story will continue.

How much more of the story there is depends on many things. Time, again, is a factor. Also, sometimes, stories come to natural endings. If you go on and on and on with them, they lose what makes them special. But we're both determined that we don't want to leave the podcast like this, the people who've been so loyal to Bert over the last five years deserve better.

So, When?

Good question. Not too long is the answer. I wanted to tell you about it now, so you know we're doing something. We're more than half done with the archive, I'd say that could be live in a couple of months if we're lucky, if nothing goes awry. I just want fans of the lovable lep to know that we're working on this and we're doing our best to have new content out to you as quick as we can.

Life After Bert?

Some people say to me, how do you manage not writing Bert when you were so into him. Oh my word! The people that are close to me say things like: How can you think so much about a person who isn't even real, even though you're not even writing about him these days! I hear nasty little words murmured like "Fixated". and "Unhealthy obsession".

The only answer I can make is that I've lived with this little guy for five years. I can't just put him in a mental closet if I don't happen to be working with him, it doesn't work like that. I remember hearing the wonderful crime writer Ellis Peters talking about Brother Cadfael, her character. She was asked how real he was to her and she said "He's with me every day, all the time. Sometimes I'll have a problem and I know what he'd say to me. Sometimes I'll hear that blunt Welsh voice giving me advice." I thought it must be amazing. Now I totally know what she meant. I have that totally non-threatening, non-unhealthy little person hovering in my sub-conscious. If I'm feeling like rubbish I know what he'd say. If I'm getting frustrated or freaked out I can hear him say: "Everything's ok!" He hurts no one, keeps me grounded, hey, I have to take a lot less meds because of him so that works for me! Lol!

There will be no life after Bert even if his story comes to its natural ending because he's just a part of me and will always be with me.